3 steps to being bikini readyΒ 

Hi friends! I know I’ve been a bit MIA on my blog posting, so I’m going to try to write more starting now! 
Since it’s my first post in a while I figured I’d keep it short and sweet. 

With everything warming up and our clothing stripping down, it’s easy to start to see our perceived flaws. As a female, of course my first thought is OMG it’s almost bikini season IM NOT READY…!!!! 

But have no fear, I have some tips to help you feel better in a bikini right now. 
1. Throw away any bikinis/bathing suits that DONT fit you or DONT look right. Simple as that! If you don’t like the way you look in it and don’t feel confident, it’ll show. So go out and buy some new bankin bikinis (or tankinis or one pieces!) then BAM! already feelin sexier.

2. Remember hating your body won’t make it change. Being upset is just sending negative energy into your brain and eventually securing those thoughts into beliefs. So next time you’re being hard on yourself try to redirect your thoughts to something you appreciate about yourself! (physical or non physical characteristics) 

3- Appreciate that you get to be in a bikini (or tankini/one piece/scuba suit). Think about WHY you are in that clothing. Are you on an awesome vacation? Are you laying out by the pool on your day off? Are you catching some waves during your lunch break? Enjoy the fact you get to do these activities. Soak up the sun. People don’t go to the pool/beach/lake to stare at each other’s bodies, they go for fun! 

Anyways! Hope these tips helped, or at least made you smile πŸ™‚ have a fab day. 

note to my body

Dear body,

First off I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve abused you. Sorry I’ve purposefully starved you. Sorry i’ve purposefully worked you to the point of exhaustion over and over again. Sorry I’ve ignored your cries of pain and signals of protest. I know you’ve only tried to help me. Keep me alive and healthy. I’m sorry I haven’t appreciated you for what you are. I’m sorry I still poke and pull and squish you. I’m sorry I secretly hope parts of you will disappear. I’m sorry I avoid posing pictures of you when I feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry I don’t let you go out when my brain is telling me I’m not worthy. I’m sorry I haven’t embraced you the way I should. Most of all I’m sorry for the majority of my life I’ve treated you like an enemy and not a friend. 

I’m sorry body.

But now I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping me alive. Thank you for keeping me healthy. Thank you for getting me to where I need to be. For healing my wounds and housing my soul. Thank you for helping me support others. Thank you for providing me with a vessel to hug and cuddle my loved ones. Thank you for fighting for me even when I’m too tired or neglectful to treat you properly. Thank you for being patient with me and my restless mind. Thank you for putting up with all the physical challenges I put you through (wanted and unwanted). Most of all thank you for teaching me to understand that life is ever changing just like you. I want to accept you. To love you. To take care of you. So I’m going to try to listen better. To hear when you need an extra day off. To hear when you need an extra hour of sleep. To hear when you need your TLC because without you, I wouldn’t be me.   

Thank you body, for being me. 

xoxo mvkay 

more self love november β€οΈ

So sorry I totally failed on this challenge, to be honest i’m still struggling with motivation. I have seasonal affective depression and the change in weather is definitely messing with me. Regardless, i’m trying to be more positive! So here’s an update on my self love challenge. 
4. Share your story- Oh boy. this is a super long one so I think it’s best for any new followers to read this previous blog to help explain some.

Long story short I’m a bubbly broke college grad turned personal trainer. I spent the first post grad year in bikini competition prep beating up my body and punishing myself, hating the way i looked. Now i’m focusing more on building strength and self love! 

5. Write down a positive affirmation- Sometimes you need to be a glow stick, you have to break before you shine. 

6. why do you want to love yourself? – because i deserve it!!! it will make my life better and happier. I want to radiate positivity and help others. 

7. Who are your self love role models and why?- i’ve recently been following a bunch of social media accounts to help promote positivity. Here’s some of my favorite instagrams @dothehotpants @bodiposipanda @lwood_fit @kendy_wendy All these women embrace body positivity and self love. Although some are fitness focused accounts none of these women make me feel like I’m not good enough or that they want me to look a certain way. 
8. Do something that makes you happy – Will do tomorrow, any suggestions? Probably take a nice walk with my pup. 

9. Meditate. – i’ve never done this before so maybe i can try tonight? I’ve done relaxed guided sleep talk downs which i enjoy by Micheal Seeley on youtube. 
I’m going to do the next set of questions hopefully tomorrow ☺️ 

As always thanks again for reading my loves and I hope you all are having a good november! 

Til next time 

xoxo mvkay ❀️

november self love challenge πŸŒŸ

hi friends! happy fall πŸŽƒπŸƒ
I know I haven’t been keeping up with this blog much and honestly I’ve been in a funk for the past 2 months. I haven’t been working out on a normal schedule. I haven’t been eating right. I haven’t been appreciating my body. I’ve been critical of myself and living in self pity. My body image is definity poor right now so i decided to start this challenge to kickstart myself in the self love department! 

I know it’s november 3rd so this post is gonna be the first 3 days. 

Day 1- Introduction

As you can read from above, it’s been a not so great past few weeks. Some days are better than others but I definitely would like to improve my overall mood, mental health and self esteem. I have always been concerned with my image and while my eating habits have become more normal, my body has gained weight (which is okay!) but it’s hard for my mind to accept these new changes in my physique. So this November my goal is not to change my body but to change my thinking and be more positive with myself. 
Day 2- What does self love mean to you?

To me self love means accepting your body as it is. It means being able to look in the mirror and love yourself beyond just the way you look. Accepting your flaws and not comparing yourself to others. 
Day 3- Write down one thing you love about yourself

It’s sad it’s taking me time to think about what to write here 😦 definitely shows why i need this challenge. 

So, something I currently love about myself is my eyes. I’ve always had big blue eyes and nice eyelashes. I know this is kinda a cop out answer but it’s honestly really hard for me to think of something and truly mean it. Which makes me sad. I want to be able to list off things I love about myself and truly mean it. 
That’s all for today! Keep up with me this month & hopefully I’ll be able to keep up with these posts πŸ™‚
happy friday eve 🌚
xoxo mvkay

5 things for fall πŸŽƒ

5 things to focus on this fall

1- SELF LOVE! this is something i’ve been working on basically well since i realized losing weight wouldn’t make me love myself. i basically had an “oh shit, if i still don’t love myself at >100lbs when will i?” and i’m not going to lie, i still don’t really know how to start to love myself, especially my body as is. i still struggle with weighing my food everyday and tracking my macros. i limit my foods on certain days and increase my cardio when i’m especially anxious. i’m hoping to focus on enjoying the process of my body constantly changing and not being so focused on a certain “look” or weight goal. 

2- what do i enjoy besides working out? in the past 6 months i have revolved my life around going to the gym and eating right. i find myself questioning what i actually like to do, for fun. my free time was always spent at the gym, cooking or sleeping because i was so mentally and physically exhausted from being starving all the time. now i want to try new things, meet new people and find a new hobbies i truly enjoy! 

3- learn more. i’ve been slacking recently on my learning. although i’m certified and i know all the basics for being a personal trainer, i’m still always curious about new and better techniques/workouts. i want to continue to learn more and become a better trainer for myself and my clients. my goal is to better understand muscular imbalances, how they occur and how to properly train to fix them.  

4- appreciate the relationships in my life. so often i feel as if i’m always asking others for things. i want to try to be more aware of how i should or could help others. basically be more selfless around the people i care about. 

5- be more outgoing! being an extroverted introvert makes this one hard. people invite me out and i cancel not because i don’t like them but because i really just don’t want to go. i have very mild social anxiety that i think probably stems from my body image issues so going out makes me feel uncomfortable. the whole process of getting dressed up, make up & finding an outfit is draining to me. i over analyze and myself and my body especially. i have to be in the mood and have the motivation to do it. i’m hoping to be social more this fall and put away my insecurities to enjoy and have a good time with my life. 

if anyone else is struggling with these issues don’t be afraid to reach out! i know i’m slow in response sometimes but i so so appreciate everyone who has given me words of encouragement and support. i’m here for anyone who needs me! what are some things you want to focus on this fall?

– xoxo mvkayy

Lil buff cake review

so I recently tried a premade protein cake mix from a company called  “Lil Buff Bakery”

First off, it came in the cutest little cupcake package with a hand written note thanking me for ordering (so cute!)

The packaging and everything was super super cute and it even included instructions for baking and making a healthy version of frosting.

So the mix comes with a cake mix and a sprinkle package and then you add egg, applesauce and milk. 

The preparation was super easy, all I had to do was put it in a Tupperware container & follow the instructions! 

I chose to try and make my own version of frosting with Greek yogurt, peanut butter, almond milk and stevia. I also added some walden farms caramel sauce on top πŸ™‚

So here comes the important part, the taste! The taste is good, typical for protein cake it was very dry. Next time I will add more milk or applesauce to help cut the dryness. Without frosting I really think it would’ve been too dry to eat alone pleasantly. It taste like mostly just vanilla and I was hoping it would have more of a funfetti flavor with the sprinkles but I was wrong. It definitely was filling and the portion is great! Overall I would give it a 7/10, the recipe or preparation needs a little work just because of the dryness but I love the thoughtfulness and packaging of the company! I probably wouldn’t order this again just because I think I could just use regular protein to make my own cake but I would be open to trying other products from this company.  I’m still searching for that perfect healthy item to curb my sweet tooth πŸ˜‰ 

cheers loves! 


*note- I’m a nobody so I didn’t get paid for this review, I bought the mixes myself without any incentives*

I’m back 🌞

so this blog has always been about fitness because fitness has always been a part of me. but I think I’m ready to take it in a new direction. 

After putting my body through one of the most extreme and dangerous situations I’ve realized that I need to take a step back and learn to appreciate my body for what it is. the pictures you see below are a sort of reverse transformation. 

The first is when I just moved back home from college. I had just started working out and counting my macros religiously. It was new, it was fun and I was seeing results I had never gotten before. I had fallen in love with lifting and naturally dieting came along with it. This is the last time I remember actually liking the way I looked AND felt.

The second is days before my last bikini competition. I was 100 pounds. I was starving myself, eating way too little and exhausting my body. and for what? to win some trophy for some organization who doesn’t even care about my well being? for months I slaved over EVERYTHING I ate. I exercised about 2 hours everyday. I became obsessed with food with exercise. I lost friends, I lost a social life, I lost my ability to have a normal relationship with food. 

Fast forward to the third picture. that was about 2 weeks after my competition. 2 weeks of binge eating and out of control dangerous habits. I had no sense of what to do around food. some days I ate nothing for hours & then binged on absurd amounts of food. I was so anxious ALL THE TIME. I was still living a nightmare. I didn’t know how to regulate myself normally anymore. I was so out of touch with my body and my signals. my body was literally STARVING and asking for food, it was trying to help me live yet I still fought it. I felt disgusting and anxious every second of the day. I was still working out 1.5-2 hours a day. I was terrified to leave for a 5 week vacation to Europe. How would I monitor myself? How would I not balloon up? I was extremely anxious and honestly didn’t even want to go. but guess what? that trip to Europe was the first stepping stone to my recovery. 

Now to the last picture. Here I am today. do I look the way I want? hell no! do I feel the way I want? still no. is my relationship with food back to normal? unfortunately no. do I still get anxiety if I don’t workout? yes. as I reflect I almost wish I had never signed up for those competitions. I can’t look at my body the same. I can’t look at food the same. my mind is constantly mentally counting and tracking my calories and macro nutrition even when I don’t want to. I’m constantly assessing my physical appearance. In a way a still feel as lost as I did in those second two pictures. But I know it’s time for a change. I want to gain my life back. I don’t want my life to revolve around my looks and diet. so I’m writing this to make my self accountable. it’s time for me to practice what I preach. While I still love working out and being healthy, I need to learn to love myself no matter my size. I hope I can learn to appreciate this body I have and start to have a normal relationship with food. If anyone reading this is dealing with body image issues, disordered eating, anxiety or anything else similar don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I’d love to find other beautiful people to go through this journey with. stay strong πŸ’ͺ😊